Fantastic new discovery... life in space

Amazing Space Slug Found

by

Des Pensable

copyright June, 2014.

Cosmic Scientists from all around the world this week were thrilled with the news of the discovery of the first creature in space. The creature revealed by stellar time lapse infrared photography from the HUBBLE space telescope has the appearance of a large black object similar in shape to a slug and appears to move slowly between stars eating them.

“We were amazed when we looked back through our collection of images of the slug whose official name is Barnard 68.” Said a spokesperson from NASA. “The images showed that it was travelling between stars and after it passed there was no star left. It seems to be actually consuming them.”

Asked whether it could be a risk to Earth a spokesman from the White house said that there was “no immediate threat to our solar system”.

“The slug is very large approximately 153 Astronomical units (AU) long and about 36 AU wide. It is currently located about 500 light years from the Earth. It travels relatively slowly at about 1 light year per year so even if it were headed our way then it would take about 500 years to get here. We’re not unduly worried since as far as we are aware there are no worm holes in space near it through which it could come here more quickly.”

Richard Dawkins the famous evolutionary biologist was ecstatic at the discovery. “Evolution occurs at all levels in the Universe and this now shows it at a cosmic level. Plants store the energy from sunlight in their structure and animals eat the plants to get that stored energy to move around. The space slug is no different it needs energy to move so it eats stars.”

Asked whether this might disprove that humanity was a special creation of god a spokesperson from the American Union of Evangelical Scientists said “God works in mysterious ways. God made everything. He made slugs on Earth so now he has revealed to us that he has also made larger slugs in space. Isn’t that great!”

A relative of Sir Fred Hoyle, a famous cosmologist and British Astronomer Royal who wrote a science fiction story about a sentient black cloud in space contacted the BBC stating that Fred’s family always knew that Fred’s story referred to a real creature. It was a family secret.

“Fred was contacted by the cloud which you call a slug whilst asleep and it haunted him for weeks before he wrote the story. He wrote it as if it was a science fiction story as he didn’t think people would believe him if he told them it was real. We are relieved that we can now finally tell the full story.”

Professor Newton Wurmhole, a theoretical cosmologist from the Australian Institute of Hypothetical Cosmology when asked whether it was possible that a space slug located about 500 light years away could contact someone in his dreams on Earth said that “it was possible but that we should not rule out other possibilities as well.”

“One of the curious things about modern string M theory is that we have known for some time that anything is possible but some things are more probable than others. For the creature to have contacted Fred by Einstein’s relativity theories it must have done it about 500 years ago. However we know that Fred got the dream a few decades ago which suggests it was either prescient or it used faster than light communications both of which are theoretically awesome possibilities.”

“Of course there is another possibility which shouldn’t be discounted. If there is one space slug out there then there are likely to be more of them. We’ve only just discovered the first one. Maybe there is one much closer to us that we haven’t detected yet. Maybe it was sending out a warning that it was coming and is hungry. Maybe is knows about worm holes or slug holes in space. Who knows?”

“It is rumored that a special secret unit has been set up by the US Department of Defence to carry out deep space communications research. Maybe they are working out how to communicate with space slugs.”

A spokesperson of the US Department of Defence declined to say whether such a program existed or not.

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updated 28th May 2014

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