Why Didn’t Our Politicians Gruntle Us This Year?

Des Pensable copyright 2016

I’ve had a sad and unhappy time this year

When I should have been all gruntled with cheer

You see it all started quite well

Our politicians had decided to gruntle us, that’s fine

They had signed the climate agreement in Paris

Then returned and approved the Adani coal mine.

I wasn’t gruntled at all,  in fact I was angry

Disappointed, annoyed, cross and irate.

 

Next the government  kicked out their leader

As his approval polls had dropped too low

Abbot wasn’t gruntling many people so

They chose another idiot, a banker to the core

The one that ruined our Internet who

wants to tax the pensioners and the poor.

I wasn’t gruntled at all, in fact I was displeased

Exasperated, Irked, piqued and dissatisfied

 

Then we had new elections and promises galore

They promised jobs to gruntle the unemployed

and  gruntle  the corporations that paid no tax at all

They promised a gruntling budget and warned us

Not to vote for Independents, Labor or the  Greens

I tried to vote them out but failed.

I wasn’t gruntled at all, In fact I was displeased

Fed up, vexed, miffed, riled and pissed off.

 

Finally we had the gruntling spectacle

of the US empire elections in all their glory

We were not gruntled when misinformation,

Media lies and election fraud was the main story

A pathetic choice between Clinton the war hawk

Or Trump the heroic climate change denier.

I wasn’t gruntled at all when Trump won, in fact

I was thoroughly disgruntled with all politics this year.

 

Notes-

The verb disgruntle, which has been around since 1682, means “to make ill-humored or discontented.”  .” In the 1920s, a writer humorously used gruntle to mean “to make happy”—in other words, as an antonym of disgruntle. The use caught on although it isn’t used very often.

This poem refers to the elections in the year 2016. Australia’s most unpopular prime minister Abbot was kicked out and replaced by Turnbull who was marginally more popular.  The US elections were a dark carnival of farce where the choice was between two psychopaths both intent on world destruction.

see also A Global Warming Denier US President – How Did It Get To This?

if you liked this poem share it with a friend

for more Des Pensable sories

How Tony Abbot Helped to Start WW3 and Halt Global Warming

puyehue volcano

A chilling satirical post apocalyptic short story. Hopefully NOT a prophesy.

Des Pensable copyright 2015

I’m sitting here in Sydney in 2020 in the middle of what used to be summer wearing a heavy jacket having a cup of tea. The sky is covered in swirling orange brown clouds. There is an occasional burst of lightning caused by the build-up of static electricity they say. I haven’t seen the sun this year yet but the political bureau said that their scientists had created a weather model that predicted that we might see the sun some day soon.

I pondered again on how the world’s politics had deteriorated so quickly. It just needed a spark they said and our PM lit the fuse it seems. He denies it of course. It all started when commercial airliner MH17 with dozens of Aussies aboard was shot down over the Ukraine by either a missile or some say a warplane from the new right wing Ukraine government installed by the US neo conservatives. Either way it was murder.

The then struggling PM of Australia decided to accuse the Russians of shooting a missile without waiting to see any evidence. He did an admirable job of acting upset for the US. Sanctions were imposed and he was heralded as a hero by the right wing US owned Australian mass media and the die was cast.

In late 2015 the Australian government signed two trade agreements with hidden agendas, called the TPP and the TISA in quick succession. They were really templates for multinational world control. Without bothering to ask the Australian people, the country was handed to the multinationals on a plate. All in our best interest!

The fire sale of fire sales followed … everything was privatized. Health, medicine, transport, education, the power and the water. We all became dependent upon the foreign owners of our birthright. We were economic slaves in our own country dispossessed of any rights to have any say in anything. The government was effectively redundant, the corporations ruled.

The same year was an epic year of misfortune and will long be remembered in history as the year the shit hit the fan. The economic situation in Europe deteriorated. Greece rebelled and wanted out. Spain and Portugal followed. Germany was chastised for making agreements with Russia after the NATO war games in Europe in late 2015 raised tensions to boiling point.

The Climate Conference in Paris was sabotaged by a group of terrorists from the middle east. Hundreds were killed. The Pope died of a “heart attack”. The CIA was implicated but there was no evidence until Wikileaks came up with a copy the “Plan to Contain Global Warming” written by some psychopathic neo conservative in the back waters of a Republican right wing think tank.

They did agree that Global Warming was real after all. The main reason was world over population. The report stated that there were too many blacks, commies, Arabs and other irrelevant races that were breeding like rats. So some bright spark thought of a quick way to solve the overpopulation problem and Global Warming in one easy step. It was based on what was called the Theory of Nuclear Winter.

The idea was that if you exploded enough nuclear bombs and put enough particulate material into the atmosphere it would block out the sun for a few years and when it was all over presumably the wealthy nutcases who sponsored the idea could come out of their 5 star bomb shelters and resume their lives in new high tech utopia with much diminished world population and no more Global Warming.

Things rapidly went pear-shaped after that. In 2016 people protested all around the world. The authoritarian western countries all clamped down with new laws against protesting of any type. They introduced night time curfews, censored the Internet by total geo blocking. Only authorized government servants and the federal security were allowed to have access to Internet outside Australia. The only news allowed was government authorized news from the Fox World Media Center in the USA.

Of course, people with hidden satellite communications managed to find out some of the things that happened. In 2017 we were all stunned with the news that Hawaii was obliterated by a nuclear blast. The missile was apparently fired from an unidentified  submarine in the Pacific. The USA immediately blamed Russia. Russia said it was innocent and it was a false flag attack by the USA or one of USA’s allies. It really doesn’t matter anymore who did it.

The US controlled media echoed the Australian PM’s cry for blood and got it.  Half the world died in the next few weeks. Australia was spared. The US plutocrats and politicians had to have somewhere to hide.

Oh well it’s time to get back into the shelter again. That nasty wind that blows in from the north is still very radioactive. Hopefully we’ll see the sun soon so that we can start growing food again. I’m really sick of this artificial muck we eat. They say it’s nutritious and it probably is but it’s got no flavor at all and everyone wonders what Monsanto makes it from. It’s a trade secret they say.

It’s rumored this all happened because the wealthy US elite didn’t want to lose all their money invested in Fossil fuels. I don’t know whether that’s really true or not. It hardly matters any more. The thing that does matter is that humanity has failed the evolution test. If we don’t kill ourselves off this time it will be next time as greed, narcissism and sociopathy are not a good combination for survival.

I sometimes wonder what it might have been like if there was more love, empathy and compassion in Australia and we had had the guts not to sign those fake trade agreements and to get rid of the political corruption that stole our country before it was too late. I guess I’ll never know.

If you like this story pass it on to a friend.

For more stories try the Des Pensable web site

Monsanto Gene Therapy Vaccination for Increased Survivability to Global Warming

origin of man

by Des Pensable copyright 2015

A whistle blower has revealed the most amazing story about genetic research being carried out by researchers at the secret Harvard University Military Research facility located somewhere on the campus.

The research brief was to produce a simple vaccination that could be used to make US soldiers smarter and more robust to enable them to survive the approaching Global Warming apocalypse.

Monsanto have already patented new economic plant varieties including wheat and corn that will grow in warmer drier climates and animals with modified genetic code allowing them to be resistant to higher temperatures expected in the world of the near future.

So the scientists at Monsanto decided that it was time to try and make a product that could modify people to improve their adaption to higher climates as it was likely that the politicians would be unable to reach a consensus on mitigating Global warming until it was too late.

It appears that a large medical team have been carrying out research into the use of an injectable attenuated virus that could be used to carry DNA gene clusters relating to specific human characteristics such as aggression, muscle mass and intelligence and had some remarkable success.

The researchers also claim that it is the first vaccination of its type to by fully composed of natural ingredients and contain no artificial colour, preservatives, radionuclides or mercury.

Initial tests in animal models showed the concept worked but the surprises came when they started using the vaccine that was theoretically capable of increasing the analytical functioning of the neocortex, which basically means making the test subjects more intelligent.

The first test subjects were monkeys and the researchers used various intelligence tests including tactical and strategy simulations such as playing chess. The surprise came that after the first vaccination the monkeys chess ability improved out of sight and the monkeys were able to beat the best of the human players after a couple of months.

One monkey was able to simultaneously play against four humans and beat them all. A few weeks later there was an apparent break in by animal rights protesters and all the monkeys escaped and have not been seen since. Security was tightened at the facility but nobody has yet been arrested as the military police are still puzzled as to how the animal rights people gained access to the facility.

The vaccination was also tried on dolphins at the US Naval Dolphin Research facility at Pearl Harbour where they have been training dolphins to carry explosive charges to enemy submarines and detonate them. Unfortunately the results of the trial are inconclusive as the animals all disappeared and have not responded to the usual underwater sonic signals to return.

As the vaccination was theoretically safe to use being made of all natural products, a request was put out in the military journal for volunteers. Twenty civic minded mainly Republican voting service men and women were accepted and first measured using a battery of intelligence tests. None were found to suffer any medical problems.

Six months after vaccination the servicemen were due to return for intelligence testing but unfortunately sixteen of them had left the military and joined the Democrats working on mitigation of Global Warming projects. The remaining four were busy studying environmental science at the Military university and apologised for not being able to make it. So at this stage the results are unknown.

The researchers requested that another larger group of several hundred be vaccinated but the commander of the unit cautioned that it would be advisable to wait until they could get the results from the first group before expanding the study. The unit commander was a little concerned that there might have been some relationship between the vaccination and such a large number of people quitting the military.

On a humorous note, the researchers have a pet parrot in the laboratory where the studies were carried out. It’s believed that it may have been inadvertently exposed to the vaccine. The bird has developed an incredible vocabulary of expletives which it uses constantly when any of the researchers go near it.

——————————————————-

This story is a hoax story and a satire. These type of conspiracy stories are generally written to reinforce people’s biases against some target. They are very common on main stream news. The target here is Monsanto, vaccination and animal testing and Global Warming. The start of the story is feasible, a whistle blower, secret military research on a well known university campus, global warming, a few medical science words. The scene is set.

The vaccine is only made from natural ingredients with no artificial colors. Really? How does this make it work? The vaccination accidentally makes the monkey super smart. One monkey can now outplay four humans then they work out a way to escape confounding their military jailers.   Very little in science is accidental. This is very highly unlikely.

They vaccinated dolphins. You have got to be kidding! The dolphins escaped never to return. Doubtful. They vaccinated 20 Republican soldiers. What has the soldiers voting or their civic duty got to do with volunteering to be a guinea pig. The suggestion is  that Republican voting soldiers are stupid.

After vaccination most of them became much smarter and joined the Democrats working on mitigation of Global warming. We could wish for this but miracles like this don’t happen. The parrot bit at the end was purposely humorous to give you a good feeling at the end.

A good story worth believing will have lots of reference links to other stories, it will name real people at reputable organisations that you can check to ensure they exist. A genuine science story will not mention religion or politics. A satire Is generally written to ridicule someone or some organisation. They are common in politics and religion. They will generally not give reference links and if they do they will generally be fake.

Another hoax story I wrote on April fools day a few years ago. Everyone I sent it to believed it because they wanted to believe in it and I generally write factually true stories. The moral is be skeptical. Use critical thinking. Be aware of the Appeal to Authority fallacy.

You can learn more on how to tell real stories from fake ones here and here.

If you like this story share it with friends.

You can also find other stories and satires at www.despensable .com.au

LNP Report to Privatise the Sydney Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge

 

baird and Abbot

Des Pensable copyright 2015

Sydneysiders were shocked today by a report leaked by a National Party staff whistle blower entitled “Lets Privatize NSW”. The report detailed everything that the current government could possibly sell within the state; how much it was worth and more shockingly detailed the list of potential buyers who have been secretly advised to put in a bid.

On the list were the state’s power grid, the state’s fresh water, a few more coal mines on prime farming land and various state forests. The surprise entries in the report developed by  Privatizations R US, a subsidiary of the giant Halliburton  Corporation was that the Liberal and National Party also believed that they should sell the Sydney Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

The report detailed a solid case was made for selling the Opera House as it has been running in the red for many years now. “It’ll soon be run by the reds.” said the NP staffer as it’s believed that a lucrative bid has already been made by the Chinese government on behalf of the Chinese Opera Company.

The company have been planning to expand internationally for some time and it’s believed that they would use the Opera house as their new base.  The whistle blower said that a part of the deal would be the hiring and training of aboriginal dancers to add a true Aussie look and feel to future Chinese operas in Sydney.

The Sydney Harbor Bridge widely known as Sydney’s crown jewel will fetch a fortune according the report. The Chinese have made a bid but the surprise bid was from Canada. They also have a city called Sydney. The Canadian government was keen to get the bridge disassemble it and reassemble it in Sydney, Canada as they believed that it would be a great tourist asset.

The report listed privatising Sydney Harbor for Coal Seam Gas mining but that has been put on hold until after the Sydney Ferry Services and Ferry Terminals are sold. It’s believed that Privatization R US strategists have suggested that the Baird government wait until after they get an environmental report from their Environmental Division that will show conclusively that Coal Seam Gas mining will be safe to mine in the harbor.

A spokesperson from Stop CSG Port Jackson was shocked when shown the report. “CSG wells are known to leak methane gas. Imagine what is likely to happen when we have our annual New Year’s Eve fireworks show. If there’s enough methane leaking out of the wells and bubbling up in the water it could blow up half of Sydney.”

When asked about the secret report premier Baird said that he knew nothing about it but if it were true they would ensure that no methane was leaking from the wells during the annual New Year’s fireworks show.

“We are serious about tourist safety in Sydney.” he said. “It would give us a bad name if any tourists were harmed. The Chinese would also be worried about their investment in the Opera House as well. We can’t have that. Overseas investors must always have confidence that NSW is open for business and we will protect their interests.”

The NP whistle blower said that the Baird government were going to release details of the report after the NSW state election on or about the 1st of April this year.

Postscript

Before the Election … Most people were against privatisation

After the election … Mike Baird’s 3 Billion sell off

Share with a friend.

For similar stories by Des Pensable

The Corporate Guide to Sheeple Farming

Proudly sponsored by NEO-LIB FARMING ENTERPRISES USA INC. (specialists in sheeple control)

sheeple 01

by Des Pensable (c) 2015

Sheeple are a species of Homo Ignoramus found in large numbers around the world. They are the basis for all good profitmaking for the modern corporate entrepreneur if carefully cultivated. While they are simple creatures with simple desires they can be problematic if not handled properly. In this guide we’ll explain how to keep them happy and under complete control so that you can maximise your profitmaking with minimal problems.

Sheeple love to believe in fantasy and adore rules. Give them lots of rules and they will be happier than pigs in mud. The early religious corporations learnt that if we instil in their young a sense of absolute obedience to rules then they will follow these blindly throughout their lives working profitably for you until they can be discarded when they get old and unproductive.

Historically, the sheeple were selectively bred by the religious companies to be mild and meek and have absolute faith in fantasy concepts. Consequently, they could be mentally enslaved and controlled by offering them illusory wealth after they died. They loved it. It was the perfect scheme to have them happily work making profit for the imaginative ruler with minimal problems.

However with industrialisation, things changed. The complex nature of the machinery meant that they needed a little knowledge and training. They needed to be able to read and write to work in the more complex work environment to reduce accidents that damaged the profit making machinery.

Of course this caused problems. A few started to think outside their station in life. They talked about people being free, and cooperating and sharing the wealth. They began organising as groups to challenge the power of the elite and their corporations. Some actually believed they were entitled to share the wealth of the land with the wealthy elite. What an outlandish idea.

Concurrently, the religious institutions began failing in their duty and many of their young were not properly conditioned with the appropriate beliefs. With a little education they began to see through the sales pitch of religion and began demanding wealth in the real world rather than in the afterlife. The religious corporations fought back with extreme punishments, torture, burning the unbelievers alive but nothing worked. This crazy idea about them having a say in their lives was like a virus and it corrupted them.

With the growing failure of religion a new belief system was needed and developed to control the sheeple where they could be allowed a basic education but remain under control of the wealthy elite and their corporations. This was called democracy. In this system they are taught from birth to follow an infinite number of rules and regulations and are given the belief that they have a say in what happens in their lives and they are free.

This is of course untrue but it is a fantasy that keeps them happy. The trick of course is that it allows the corporations, the un-elected government to make secret mutually beneficial deals with their greedy elected leaders behind closed doors. Their leaders can then create an unending supply of new rules favouring the corporations which the sheeple normally accept and mindlessly obey.

If something goes wrong the sheeple blame their leaders not the corporations or the wealthy elite. It’s not as elegant as selling them life after death but it keeps them deluded and has been found to be more profitable than religion over the longer period.

It might be imagined that after a thousand or more years of selective breeding and culling by the religious corporations that the sheeple are now thoroughly domesticated and any wildness bred out. That would be a mistake. While the bulk of the sheeple are totally malleable there are always a small percentage of wild types that call themselves activists lurking within the flock that wish to think for themselves. These are a danger to every corporation as they can cause resistance to corporate control, loss of profits and should be weeded out ruthlessly.

The desired way is to contact your local or state politician responsible for sheeple control and pay them to use their police resources to find and restrain any activists that cause a problem. In difficult cases where the activists resist, it may be necessary to hire alternative peacemakers to use more rigorous methods of persuasion.

It should be remembered that prevention is better than cure. By taking the following actions all corporate entrepreneurs can minimise their problems with errant sheeple and the occasional nuisance activist.

  1. CONTROL the LEADERS. Make sure that only the right people are elected. These people will always ensure what is good for the corporations is their first and main priority.
  2. MEDIA DIVERSIONS. Keep the sheeple occupied so that they don’t get the time to think. Sport, idiotic unreality shows, fantasy, celebrity gossip are all good fillers in between your company’s positive message that everything is wonderful. Keep them working long hours so they are too tired to think. Be sure to censor the Internet as it is a known source of the truth and that will make them unhappy and start them thinking unhealthy thoughts.
  3. PRIVATISE. Keep government small. Do not allow the governments to own or control essential services as this will give the sheeple a feeling of independence from corporate control. You should endeavour to own everything. The sheeple will then have no option but to seek all of their necessities for life from you and your peers. If they become a liability at any time you can then cut off their resources and thus easily remove them from your books.
  4. BAN UNIONS. Stop all attempts of sheeple forming trade unions or cooperative ventures as these will breed wild types that think they have some rights of their own. That’s bad for business.
  5. LIMIT EDUCATION to the absolute minimum and privatize it to make them pay steeply for any advanced learning above elementary level. Where possible control the education so that the average sheeple is locked into minimal skills so that they cannot move freely to your competitor. Remember education teaches sheeple to think and that it is bad for business.
  6. CONTROL MEDICINE. All sheeple will get sick sooner or later especially if you are involved in an industry that creates noxious by products and you don’t wish to limit profit by installing costly pollution control equipment. Privatize medical access. They should be taught that they have no right to be healthy. It’s a privilege retained for wealthy and those who do the company’s bidding.

Remember sheeple are not real people. Their only value is their potential for work and for making you a profit.

(COMMERCIAL -IN – CONFIDENCE / NEOLIBERAL EYES ONLY)

What is neoliberalism

The Invention of Capitalism

If you enjoyed this satire please pass the link to it on to others.

You can find more satire , stories, poetry and politics on the Des Pensable web site.