Des Pensable copyright 2015
Sydneysiders were shocked today by a report leaked by a National Party staff whistle blower entitled “Lets Privatize NSW”. The report detailed everything that the current government could possibly sell within the state; how much it was worth and more shockingly detailed the list of potential buyers who have been secretly advised to put in a bid.
On the list were the state’s power grid, the state’s fresh water, a few more coal mines on prime farming land and various state forests. The surprise entries in the report developed by Privatizations R US, a subsidiary of the giant Halliburton Corporation was that the Liberal and National Party also believed that they should sell the Sydney Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
The report detailed a solid case was made for selling the Opera House as it has been running in the red for many years now. “It’ll soon be run by the reds.” said the NP staffer as it’s believed that a lucrative bid has already been made by the Chinese government on behalf of the Chinese Opera Company.
The company have been planning to expand internationally for some time and it’s believed that they would use the Opera house as their new base. The whistle blower said that a part of the deal would be the hiring and training of aboriginal dancers to add a true Aussie look and feel to future Chinese operas in Sydney.
The Sydney Harbor Bridge widely known as Sydney’s crown jewel will fetch a fortune according the report. The Chinese have made a bid but the surprise bid was from Canada. They also have a city called Sydney. The Canadian government was keen to get the bridge disassemble it and reassemble it in Sydney, Canada as they believed that it would be a great tourist asset.
The report listed privatising Sydney Harbor for Coal Seam Gas mining but that has been put on hold until after the Sydney Ferry Services and Ferry Terminals are sold. It’s believed that Privatization R US strategists have suggested that the Baird government wait until after they get an environmental report from their Environmental Division that will show conclusively that Coal Seam Gas mining will be safe to mine in the harbor.
A spokesperson from Stop CSG Port Jackson was shocked when shown the report. “CSG wells are known to leak methane gas. Imagine what is likely to happen when we have our annual New Year’s Eve fireworks show. If there’s enough methane leaking out of the wells and bubbling up in the water it could blow up half of Sydney.”
When asked about the secret report premier Baird said that he knew nothing about it but if it were true they would ensure that no methane was leaking from the wells during the annual New Year’s fireworks show.
“We are serious about tourist safety in Sydney.” he said. “It would give us a bad name if any tourists were harmed. The Chinese would also be worried about their investment in the Opera House as well. We can’t have that. Overseas investors must always have confidence that NSW is open for business and we will protect their interests.”
The NP whistle blower said that the Baird government were going to release details of the report after the NSW state election on or about the 1st of April this year.
Before the Election … Most people were against privatisation
After the election … Mike Baird’s 3 Billion sell off
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